Baby, baby! Save me!

Fuuuuuck, I say. I’ve become a monotonous two-day old, wretched block of tofu.  I live in a cubicle, each day trapping me into the next. My resume dribbles an inky narrative of my patchy attempts to secure a future. I find more joy out of reading, How to Find a Job, than actually finding a job. All my regrets are bundled deeply in the pit of my stomach, making a grumbly noise that I often confuse as hunger. I thought as a kid that being a hopeless romantic was a dignified career choice. Alas, no.

I’ve been attending language classes — Korean and Russian — this summer. “You’re gifted!” one man declared at the bookstore while I checked out my textbooks.

“Uh, yeah, I guess.” My fifteen-year old self would probably wet her panties at such a statement, considering that she got off on any sort of compliment–justified or not. But hein! I’ve sadly matured.

Mum appeared soon after that moment, brushing me towards the exit. She nodded towards the store clerk. She looked as if she was to say, “Not gifted, crazy.” She murmured some Korean, and then the inevitable came: “You better appreciate all the money I’m spending on you. It’s so unnecessary.” Okay, well, it didn’t go quite like that. Mum has a heavy Korean accent and her English is more Engrish, lacking the appropriate pronunciation and better grammar. I touched it up for comprehension purposes.

Oh, money, money, money … Is so funny. I sat in Andrei’s car this morning, tapping my fingers against the car door, and turned to him to say, “You know, I feel like I’m living in the Great Depression. Except it’s just me and my mom, and everyone else is at a some fancy party in their Marc Jacob dresses. My jeans are ripped, inappropriately, and there’s a hole in my shoe from that time we went hiking.” Because, well, when it comes down to it, I’ve had this heavy heart for a while, and though love is in the air, the flowers are blooming, we’re all so bloody broke that none of it seems to matter!

Example:

On the subject of my apartment, one must acquire an appreciation. The ceiling forms these avant-garde white stalactites after rainfall. Very charming. I like to pick off the wall to form a white paint-chip mosaic. No bumping and grinding on the second floor or some ceiling tiles will fall off downstairs. The mice in the bathroom lullaby you to sleep. I should make friends with the cockroaches in our kitchen cabinet, maybe even knit a sweater for those lil’ bugs. How adorable they are when they cascade through my living room!

Hello, beginning to the end.